The Magic 8 Ball

Every woman has one deeply rooted in their brain, or so says the bloke over on Badmovies.org.
His argument is copied in its entirety below:
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What is up with women? I swear that all of them act like this, even in this day and age. One minute she is angry at you, but the next minute she wants to move in together. She tries to disembowel you with a scimitar Monday night, and then shows up on your doorstep Saturday morning crying that you have not called her in a week. Seriously, I think that women have a Magic 8-Ball in their head that tells them what to do. Possible results include:

Scream at him
Buy him something he has wanted for a long time
Kiss him
Call his mom
Toss his clothes into the trash
Rearrange the furniture
Hazy, try again
Throw pots and pans
Go back to college
Sleep with his best friend

That insane unpredictability is why men want to conquer the world. We are trying to get away from the craziness that women subject us to on a daily basis. The fellows whose homes we are pillaging know exactly why we are out burning and looting everything in sight. They want to fight us. They're like, "Woman driving you crazy? Yeah, mine too! I'll get my sword! Thank goodness you came along when you did!" 

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Honestly, I think this is the most plausible explanation of female behavior I've ever heard. It certainly describes pretty much every situation a guy could conceivably find himself in. Anyway, I just thought this was little gem was worth sharing. I'll let you get back to your regularly scheduled broadcast now.